No maps for these territories

I just heard a PSA about sleep apnea on the radio. “Sleep apnea leads to increased risk of blah blah blah call this number today to learn more blah blah.” You know the type.

But it led me to think: why are health warnings always couched in such scientific terms? “Obesity leads to increased risk of heart attack blah blah.” This is not a helpful warning, though. I really could give a crap if I die of a heart attack vs., say, getting hit by a bus. This is not the information I want to hear. Why not say the relevant truth about these things?

What about: “Obesity leads to increased hassle when trying to buy nice clothes for work, not to mention sweating more, plus feeling terrible and neurotic any time you a) go to the beach, b) go out to a club, c) buy lingerie, d) get undressed for the first time in front of a new lover, e) succumb to the convenience of having fast food for lunch. On the plus side, there is that small feeling of smug satisfaction every time you see people breathlessly exercising like little hamsters and think, “at least I’m saving time and not looking as rediculous as those people.’”

I mean, what about some useful warnings?